A Life Full of Trivial BS

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Piccys of Sarah

Ok, so here is an overdue entry with pictures of Brad's daughter, Sarah Madison. Isn't she adorable?!?


Brad and Sarah, Day 1.

They stuck the bow to her head with KY... they stuck a bow to her head with personal lubricant. Anyone else find that WRONG?!?

I love this picture... the colors are so intense.

I am bungholio. She did this while sleeping... am I in trouble with this one?

This is Brad's favorite picture... I love it, too!

Sarah with Santa Claus... "I want a pony, and an elephant, and a giraffe, and a penquin..."

She's one cool dude.

No KY with this one!!

oh, the tangled webs we weave

ok, so here is the long awaited, overdue update entry i have been putting off for soooo long.

since i have moved to michigan, i have been in classes at LCC. Web design is my major, i've been taking design classes, drawing classes, computer programming classes. next semester i have 15 hours of classes, all computer classes or web design classes. but enough about school...
in the last 3 months, i have reconnected with an old friend, a good friend. i met said friend, by the name of brad, when i was a senior in high school. he worked, and still works as the tech guy for the school system i went to. we became good friends my senior year (but only friends) and i hadn't talked to him in over a year. he randomly emailed me in october, and we caught up on the goings-on from the time we hadn't talked. one thing led to another, we are now dating, madly in love, and planning our future together. there are a few loose ends to tie up before we can move forward with those plans, but those shall be snipped in the not-so-distant future. he's in the middle of a divorce, and has a little girl named sarah who is 7 months old. but the divorce will be over with in a few months, and sarah is the most adorable child... i love her with all of my heart. almost more than i love brad.... (sorry brad!).
i look forward to life now, unlike some of the darker parts of my past. brad encourages me to be who i am, be ambitious, persue my dreams with a fervor i've never known. he makes me a better person, and he makes me want to be a better person... that's something new to me. i've started being nicer, started saying ma'am and sir. ::SHOCKER:: i'm no longer the heartless bitch i once was, and it's great. my mom and i have a better relationship.... hell, i've been in FL since monday and we haven't fought! i'm looking forward to all that life has in store, the good, the bad and the ugly, because i know.... with brad by my side, i can do anything, handle anything... and with my relationship with my mother looking up, maybe she'll be by my side, too.

thank you brad, for being there. for keeping me grounded, being the stronghold for me when i sink into the shadows... pulling me out of the shadows, into the light. i love you with all of my heart, and i can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you!! *MUAH*

merry christmas vs. happy holidays

ok, brad, you've been begging for a new entry, here it is, though prolly not what you were hoping for...
ok, so people have been picketting outside of wal-mart over their use of happy holidays instead of merry christmas. wal-mart says it was a misunderstanding, that the ad said, Home for the holidays, not happy holidays, but whatever. here are my views:
1. So they are saying happy holidays... what's the big deal?? it still respects your holiday as well as others, so get over it already!
2. If i don't celebrate christmas, why should i be bombarded when i enter a major retailer with "merry christmas"? that is just disrespectful to the fact that i celebrate a different way... if i am jewish (which i am not) then i celebrate hanakah (sorry for the misspelling) instead of christmas! so don't tell me merry christmas!
3. well don't forget the reason for the season they say. well if jesus's birth is the only reason for the season, then i guess all those that celebrate hanakah, kwanza, sinterklauss, etc. are WRONG! shocker of the century there....
4. well this country was founded with christmas they say. i say BULLSHIT. this country was founded for the purpose of religious freedom. just because most of the people that founded it celebrated christmas is a moot point. RELIGIOUS FREEDOM means that anyone can worship whomever or whatever they choose, without persecution, disrespect, or being a victim of overzealous converters!

so, in summary, i offer this. either say happy holidays, or say merry christmas, happy hanakah, happy kwanza, etc. don't pigeon-hole me into one religous celebration because you have a construed view of what this country was founded on, what you believe, or what you think i should believe. this has nothing to do with politics, unless equality in our country is now a political view. in that case, let us segregate the schools, buses, and cafe's because Senators tom, dick and harry say so.

that is all.

New Piccys of Emily

Emily's newest pictures - 9 months! They are pretty big, so I didn't put them on the main page, they pushed everything out of alignment! Continue reading "New Piccys of Emily"

I Break Things....

yep, this is me...
I Break Things - Erika Jo
I broke most of Momma's dishes:
She banned from the kitchen when I was a kid.
An' I tore Daddy's truck to pieces,
Left it in a heap that no mechanic could fix it.
You don't believe me: I can see you laughin',
But, trust me, I'm an accident here waitin' here to happen.

'Cause I break things: anything I touch,
I just get around an' then I'm bound to tear 'em up.
Yeah, I make things snap an' fall apart.
So if you wanna hold me, boy, you better watch your heart,
Because I break things.

You say I'm nothin' you can't handle:
You're tougher than an anvil: well, baby, we'll see.
An' I'm like a wreckin' ball comin':
You're better off runnin' far away from me.
Don't get me wrong, now, baby, I adore you:
It's only right that I give you fair warning:

'Cause I break things: anything I touch,
I just get around an' then I'm bound to tear 'em up.
Yeah, I make things snap an' fall apart.
So if you wanna hold me, boy, you better watch your heart,
Because I break things.

Rain is wet, the desert is dry:
That's the way it'll always be.
An' fire is hot, it's dark at night:
The sun comes up in the east.

An' I break things: anything I touch,
I just get around an' then I'm bound to tear 'em up.
Yeah, I make things snap an' fall apart.
So if you wanna hold me, boy, you better watch your heart,
Because I break things.

Mmmm, I break things.

Lyrics for Today

ok, here are some song lyrics i feel apply to me... and even though i'm definately not in the Britney fan club, i respect a lot of her music (though not much of her early stuff) and i feel like the lyrics apply.

Someone Else's Dream - Faith Hill
Her momma's still got that sequin gown that she wore in '68
She taught her early how to smile that smile and wave from the parade
It took a whole lot of years and tears
For her momma to finally admit
No matter how many stitches and pins
That old dress was never gonna fit

She was daddy's little girl
Momma's little angel
Teacher's pet, pageant queen
She said "All my life I've been pleasin' everyone but me,
Waking up in someone else's dream"

Her daddy used to say, "You'll make a lovely bride someday
He'll ride up on big white horse and just carry you away"
It took twenty-five years and some broken vows
Before they'd finally see
There's a little more to love and life
Then fairy tales and hand me down dreams

She was daddy's little girl
Momma's little angel
Teacher's pet, pageant queen
She said "All my life I've been pleasin' everyone but me,
Waking up in someone else's dream"

Now she's got twenty-seven candles on her cake
And she means to make her life her own
Before there's twenty-eight

She was daddy's little girl
Momma's little angel
Teacher's pet, pageant queen
She said "All my life I've been pleasin' everyone but me,
Waking up in someone else's dream"

I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman - Britney Spears
I used to think
I had the answers to everything
But now I know
That life doesn't always go my way
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize

I'm not a girl, not yet a woman
All I need is time, a moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl

There is no need to protect me
It's time that I
Learn to face up to this on my own
I've seen so much more than you know now
So don't tell me to shut my eyes

I'm not a girl, not yet a woman
All I need is time, a moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl

But if you look at me closely
You will see it in my eyes
This girl will always find her way

(I'm not a girl) I'm not a girl, don't tell me what to believe
(Not yet a woman) I'm just trying to find the woman in me, yeah
(All I need is time) Oh, all I need is time
That's mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl, not yet a woman, no no
All I need is time, a moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl, ooh
Not yet a woman

Overprotected - Britney Spears
I need time, love, joy
I need space, love
I need... me
Action!

Say hello to the girl that I am
You're gonna have to see through my perspective
I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am
And I don't wanna be so damn protected
There must be another way
'Cause I believe in taking chances
But who am I to say
What a girl is to do
God I need some answers...

What am I to do with my life?
(You will find it out don't worry)
How am I supposed to know what's right?
(You just gotta do it your way)
I can't help the way I feel
But my life has been so overprotected

I tell them what I like, what I want and what I don't
But everytime I do, I stand corrected
Things that I've been told, I can't believe what I hear about the world
I realize I'm overprotected
There must be another way
'Cause I believe in taking chances
But who am I to say
What a girl is to do
God I need some answers...

What am I to do with my life?
(You will find it out don't worry)
How am I supposed to know what's right?
(You just gotta do it your way)
I can't help the way I feel
But my life has been so overprotected

I need... time... love... I need... space
(This is it)
I don't need nobody telling me just what I wanna
What I what what what I'm gonna (I need) do about my destiny
I say no, no... nobody's telling me just what I wanna... do do
I'm so fed up with people telling me to be someone else but me... (Action!)

What am I to do with my life?
(You will find it out don't worry)
How am I supposed to know what's right?
(You just gotta do it your way)
I can't help the way I feel
But my life has been so overprotected

I don't need nobody telling me just what I wanna
What I what, what, what I'm gonna do about my destiny
I say no no... nobody's telling me just what I wanna... do do
I'm so fed up with people telling me to be someone else but me

What am I to do with my life?
(You will find it out don't worry)
How am I supposed to know what's right?
(You just gotta do it your way)
I can't help the way I feel
But my life has been so overprotected

bleh

ok.... here it goes.

sometimes i wish:
i could curl up with a good book beside the fire with my dog at my feet and just read for hours
i could crawl in a hole and disappear from everything
no one ever knew who i was, and any impact i ever had was wiped away like my footprints in the sand on the beach
i could fall asleep without thinking of everything that i've done wrong
i knew what true love was before i threw it away
i could be more than a wrecking ball in my life
i had someone to love me... for me.
i was a silent bystander, just there for decoration
a friend was a friend, not just in fair weather, but all the time - through the tears and the laughs
i could skip the next ten years of my life, not have to live them one second at a time. i could just look back on them, like a photo album... relish in the joys and weep at the sorrows but at my own pace, when i was ready.
sometimes i wish i could just be me... and be good at it.

i've never put any of my poetry online, simply because i don't want anyone to steal it, but i think today i will post two befitting of how i'm feeling as of now:

Acting
An actor on TV
An actor on Broadway
An actor in my body
An actor all around me
Why do we fake our way through life?
What is so bad about us?
We are who we are,
But only we know who we are.
Others see a mask,
A facade used to hide who we truly are.
The audience whispers
When does this act end?
Is there an intermission?
I wonder who dies in the end?
But we all die in the end
There is no intermission
And it's all one big act.

Perfect
Blonde hair,
Blue eyes,
Nice clothes,
Perfect life.
Or so it seems.
Blonde hair,
Blue eyes,
Nice clothes,
Horrible life.
Blonde hair,
Ripped out.
Blue eyes,
Full of tears.
Nice clothes,
Torn to shreds.
Perfect life,
Shattered.
Shattered like the mirror
Lying on the floor.
The latest victim
Of the tyrades
That haunt you more and more.
No more will it reflect
Bruises left behind.
No more will it reflect
All the pain felt inside.
No more will it reflect
Blonde hair,
Blue eyes,
Nice clothes,
Perfect life.

My worth

I am worth $1,701,134 on HumanForSale.com

yeah, so i have come to the conclusion that most guys are jerks. with a few exceptions, but not many. why can't i find a GOOD guy? *grrr*

ha, i almost forgot to mention, edgar has a new girlfriend. *YAY* i'm happy for him, she seems nice and he really likes her. ^whoot^

guess that's it.

Wow...

ok, so where to begin? i have transplanted to Michigan. i'm living with my grandparents and going to school at Lansing Community College for web design (i know, big change) and i LOVE it. i think i have found what i am meant to do. i love all my classes, i'm learning, and i am interested and excited about school.
edgar and i are split up, we split up the beginning of August. he's in kennesaw at ITT Tech.
i'm doing well, much better than the last couple of entries. i have a direction now, and i'm going full-speed. not only am i going to school, but i'm working at PETsMART which i love. i was hired in TN as a cashier, and then transfered here when i moved. now i'm going to be put into the Pet Care department which is where i have wanted to be for a while. (FYI: Pet Care is the department that deals with the fish, small animals, reptiles, and birds.)
well, i guess that's it for now... i have more to say, but i'm sitting in class and he's starting to talk about new stuff instead of review stuff, so i need to pay attention!!
Thanks for reading, i'll try and post again soon!

100th entry on a sad, sad, day

wow, so this is my 100th entry. i should be celebrating (i think) but instead i am depressed. not because it's my 100th entry, but because this is the one year anniversary of my beloved dog Krista's, disappearance. i say disappearance, but i really mean that it is the anniversary of someone stealing her from my yard (see previous entry on subject). i miss her so much, and i wish she was here now to give me that look, the look that says, "everything is going to be okay." but i don't know where she is. hell, i don't even know if she's alive. i think that is the worst part, not knowing. if i could somehow know that she is okay, that she is with a nice, loving family... that she's happy... it would be easier. but for all i know she could be in a lab somewhere having armor-all tested on her, wondering why, if i loved her so much, i would let her be there. wondering why i would give her up to such horrible people.even if i knew that she was dead, i would be okay. then i could grieve and be sad, but at least i would know that she was in a better place, that she was digging up bones in that doggie "heaven" in a realm beyond ours. but instead i'm left here, with no shred of evidence as to where she is, no shred of sanity left to guide me through the next 24 hours. but i bid thee farewell... *stumbles off to bed, crying, only to fall into a restless sleep filled with dreams of Krista*

oh so much to tell...

ok, so first off, as of April 29, i will no longer be a student at berry. i am formally withdrawing mainly because my grades aren't where they need to be.
on a lighter note, here is the newest picture of Emily (3 months old)

my thoughts aren't organized enough to tell everything else there is to tell, so i will update later.....

Crumbling...

ok, by a show of hands, how many of you have had your world crumble around you? ((raises hand)) how did you deal with it? my world is falling apart, piece by fucking piece. this entry should be titled "my amazing spring break with my b/f and getting to see my niece" but no. because the past week is overshadowed by the events of the past two days. i came back to reality only to find that my phone bill still isn't paid ($440), a friend of mine has breast cancer (6 months to live), my boyfriend's ex-brother-in-law is in the hospital, i don't know what i want to do with the rest of my life, my bank account is overdrawn, and then there is even more that i don't feel i want to share on my public blog. the pieces of my perfectly constructed life are falling around me. 10 months ago when i graduated from high school, i knew exactly where i was going with my life, knew exactly what was going to happen. now i'm lost, with nowhere to turn. i can't tell my dad how i feel because i'm not "being responsible" and my mom is a nutcase, so how am i supposed to talk to her?


will someone just shoot me NOW?!?!?!?!

*please*

Spring Break Farewell

Fare thee well, Berry Bubble Buddies... i shall return to you in a mere 9 days, so have no fear.

i shall travel to a far away, foriegn land known as Arkansas to dine and converse with those known as my brother and sister-in-law. i shall tame a savage beast, also known as my 2 1/2 month old niece.

but never fear, dear comrades, i shall return with limbs intact (hopefully) and stories abounding.

so until we meet again - stay safe, be careful, have fun, and use protection.

Yay for me!

i have a hole in my nose! ^whoot^


that is all...